She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize