I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I need a burrito and a hug.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
