Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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