Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
it's like heaven, but drunker
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
