can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
