Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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