remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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