He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
