Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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