so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
