Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
