You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
