as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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