did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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