Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
