yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
do nipples grow back?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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