never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
