i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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