Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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