Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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