If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
