omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
