Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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