Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
