before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
