I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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