I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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