ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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