if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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