we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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