exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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