I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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