I wish they made helmets for livers.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have post one night stand depression
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
