saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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