That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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