So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
