so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
