I cockslap morals
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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