Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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