i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
