i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
