Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
