at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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