wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
high people should be assigned attendants
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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