Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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