just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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