I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
