I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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