none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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