My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
