one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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