Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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