Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
