Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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