Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
