I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize