don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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