Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
