..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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