so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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