Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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