sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize