Got a toothbrush?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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