2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
