im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
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