the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize