I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
