apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The best revenge is premature balding
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
