Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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