It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
