do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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