She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
