the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize