The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
