tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
